Wednesday, July 31, 2013

My Husband Takes Good Pictures of Everyone But Me

My husband is a photographer and a pretty darn good one at that. He works with famous rappers and models.  You would think that because I am married to such an astute fashion and fame photographer that I would have tons of glamorous photos.  Photos that someday I will show my grand kids and say, “Look how smoking hot your grandma was!” Well, you would be dead wrong.  My husband takes great pictures of everyone but me. 

It gets worse. He loves to take pictures of me when I don't exactly look my best.  Like when I just wake up, or while I am eating, or really close up so you can see inside my nose.  Most of our home videos end with him sneaking up behind me, getting real close, and then me pretending not to be angry once I realize what he has been up to. 

I delete these photos but this is one that I saved. It was during our trip to Italy and I feel it has sentimental value. In this photo he told me to make the worst face I could and then to my dismay he somehow used the mirrors in the elevator to capture it. 

Don’t get me wrong.  He does ask me to model for him... for shots that are ridiculous and in my opinion for his own amusement. This is what I look like with an afro, just in case you were wondering....

At least I can say I was a model for Mountain Dew.

For this one he called me and said "I need a model right away so get down to the studio as soon as you can.  You are perfect for it!"  As it turns out he needed a housewife for a brochure. Not the sexy or demure pose I was hoping for.  Typical.  When I got there his assistant (coward) told me to take my make-up off, pull my hair back, and put on an ugly dress.  

Now, I can’t complain too much because he takes awesome pictures of our kids. So at least they can benefit from his skills. I couldn’t resist posting a few:

And a few more....

At this point you may be wondering if he is as good as I say he is with glamour shots.  Maybe the afro shot is the best he can do?  Well to drive home my point, here is a small sampling of his work. 

In all fairness I will admit that I am a terrible model.  Not as pretty as the above models, I also did not get the gene that makes me aware of my body so that I can pose naturally in unnatural poses (hats off to models everywhere). Even with the ridiculous shots this is what my husband sounds like, "Turn your face towards me a little.  Not that much.  No towards me again.  Down a little.  Up....  Right there!  Now relax your smile.  Not that much.  A little more. OK! Hold that and now move your chin down a little.  That's fine we can Photoshop that later...."  

I've got two years left in my 30's and it would be nice to get some good as it gets shots before the big 4-0. When I was 27 I begged him to take a good picture of me before I was old and unrecognizable.  I even threatened to go to another photographer and might have even mentioned Glamour Shots knowing that he despises it almost as much as Sears Portrait Studio.  That worked like a charm because I finally got my one good picture. After 14 years this is the only glamour shot I have but I love it!  At the risk of sounding ungrateful I don't think I am asking too much to have a good photo to show my family once every decade.

Side note: my husband told me that in order to get his permission to post his images on my blog that I have to say he is cool and a few other nice things about him.  So... he is cool.  He is supportive and he did spend many a Saturday photographing birthday parties for me which I know sucked big time for him.  

Maybe after reading this blog he will finally take a good picture and I will post it here.  If not, there is always the threat of Glamour Shots!

Party on!


  1. This is funny! Thanks I needed to laugh! I;m with you, if you are married to a photographer you should have lots of cute pics to show. Good luck!
    And your kids are adorable.